Therapy Tomorrow, Oh The Joy!!!
July 22, 2008
I truly have nothing I care to discuss with John so I don’t know why I continue to go. I am trying desperately to think of something to talk about and I have a few ideas.
1) My insomnia therapy–this is my personal beief that if I stay awake, tomorrow can not come as sleep is what seperates the days, therefor, if I don’t go to bed, the monotonous hell that is each work day will not occur.
2)The absurd importance of feelings that are placed on individuals by the psychiatric community. I again quote “Free Fallin” ala Tom Petty: “I wanna free fall out into nothing. Oh I’m gonna leae this, this world for a while…now I’m free, free fallin.” I seriously find feelings highly overrated.
3) My role as a spectator in life due to trust issues. I semi-mentioned the lack of trust deal previously and his sage (sarcasm) advice was that it will return in time and through hard work where I rebuild relationships etc. I think he missed the point here. I don’t build anything and I never “rebuild.” If I trusted you and you cross me, fuck off forever. So how does one build or rebuild without the foundation? But anyhoo–I sometimes think it would be nice to get in the game so to speak and live a semi-normal existence. To open myself up to normalcy however, means opening myself up to pain which I am unwilling to do. So, I guess we can talk about those three things but I am going to have to tell my doctor that this isn’t working out. I’m controlling the conversations and that means we are never going to get to the root of anything cause I am unwilling to discuss those things.
